Do you ever have those days when you feel that you don´t fit in with your own family? I am talking about parents of course. Whatever you do or don´t do is never good enough for them. Usually it begins in your early teens. Or to analyze deeper, it begins the moment you realize that you have your own opinion that doesn´t correspond with theirs.

I'm 32 and my mum still think that she knows the better way of me living my life. She often says that she doesn ´t know where she went wrong: she raised 3 of us to do all those steps that society expects, yet all 3 of us took different paths.

No mum, I didn´t finish a university just so you would be unhappy. I simply did not fit in. Maybe if I had a chance to go to a different university I would finish it.

Maybe I will finish it when the time comes. Maybe not.

No, mum, I didn´t find a steady permanent job. Why would I find a job from 9-5? To hate my life the majority of the day? I LIKED changing jobs,learning different things and gaining experiences. And no matter what you don´t understand that, I liked living without the "security" of tomorrow. Yes, I had tough moments. Yes, I still have them. Living without electricity for 2 weeks is ....well different in 21st century . But it gave me a whole new experience. And for 2 weeks I was focused on some maybe more important things. And I took a pledge that it will never ever happen to me unless I decide it. Because feeling helpless for a lack of money is no fun. And thank you for offering yours, but why should you pay for the consequences of my decisions. I never asked you for that. So, no thank you. And no mum, I don´t want to get a loan from the bank to "buy" my own property. You say it´s security, yet you don´t realize that there is nothing secure about our lives. It would only chain me to one place. And what is secure about a bank owning your home for the next 30 years?

And no mum, getting married and having kids was never my priority. Yes, a man that I love is next to me but I don´t need a piece of paper to prove to you (or anyone) our love.

And no, even if I do get married one day, I will not wear a wonderful wedding dress. And I will not get married in church. It will be him and me. Because mum, it is a celebration of OUR love. And yes, he has long hair, beard and a tattoo. Three to be exact. Does that make him not good for me? That is what you thought before you met him. And he proved you wrong.

And yes, I am 32 with no kids. Do I really need kids to fulfill something? You say it is natural. I say everyone has to decide what is natural for themselves. If we ever decide to have them, they will not be there to fulfill us. We will not live their lives for them and we will not think we know better. They will make THEIR choices and we won´t ever try to stop them.

I am trying to live my life without any regrets. On the other hand, you do have regrets. And yet you still think that I should listen to you. And yet you are still very judgmental about all my steps. And you still think that you know best. Why do you think that being my mum gave you the right to judge me? When all I needed and wanted from you was your unconditional love. Isn´t that what mothers are suppose to do?

And yes mum, I LOVE YOU. Unconditionally.

But that doesn´t mean that I will sacrifice my happiness (whatever that is for me) in order for you to be happy.

And btw, isn´t happiness something that each of us have to find inside of ourselves?

So, the Pope (Roman Catholic Church) is saying that the root of all evil is in money and greed. (Pope Benedict XVI condemned unbridled "pagan" passion for power, possessions and money as a modern-day plague Saturday as he led more than a quarter of a million Catholics in an outdoor Mass in Paris, CNN).

Ok, let's see:

The Vatican's treasure of solid gold has been estimated by the United Nations World Magazine to amount to several billion dollars. A large bulk of this is stored in gold ingots with the U.S. Federal Reserve Bank, while banks in England and Switzerland hold the rest. But this is just a small portion of the wealth of the Vatican, which in the U.S. alone, is greater than that of the five wealthiest giant corporations of the country. When to that is added all the real estate, property, stocks and shares abroad, then the staggering accumulation of the wealth of the Catholic Church becomes so formidable as to defy any rational assessment. The Catholic Church is the biggest financial power, wealth accumulator and property owner in existence. She is a greater possessor of material riches than any other single institution, corporation, bank, giant trust, government or state of the whole globe. The pope, as the visible ruler of this immense amassment of wealth, is consequently the richest individual of the twentieth century. No one can realistically assess how much he is worth in terms of billions of dollars

(THE VATICAN BILLIONS by Avro Manhattan).

Now, please don't get me wrong. I personally think that Jesus was/is the most wise and compassionate human being that ever lived. He was revolutionary, a visionary who knew the answers. He knew that only love matters in this world. If we would actually follow his words, this world would never have wars or poor, unhappy and miserable people. Instead, some of his "followers" saw the opportunity and their greed started to act. They started to build churches, taking the money from the poor. They started to scare people who did not follow their rules with hell and all sorts of punishments. Well, I'll tell you something.

Their hell does not exist. Their paradise does not exist. It is all in our heads. A state of mind. That is what he tried to say. If you live a fulfilled life, if you care for others, if you treat them all the same (no matter the race or religion), you will live in paradise. If you give before you ask, you will be given. If you give without expectations you will receive double.  If you live a selfish, un-giving and miserable life you will live in hell. That is what he was thinking.

So, my Pope, when was the last time you gave someone homeless a place to stay inside your palace? And do not tell me that you build shelters and orphanages because that is not even 1/100000 of how much you could have done with all that money. Wherever he is, Jesus must be the saddest person now. He gave us all the tools and we decided not to use them.  Because everything we need for a paradise is inside of us. 

What you said about money and greed being the root of all evil is not the truth.

The root of all evil is selfishness. Cause money in the right hands is a blessing, but money in the wrong hands is a curse. As we witness every day watching priests around the world. (And I don't think just Roman Catholic).....

2008-12-11

Let's talk about something nice for a change. Let's talk about friends. In my life I have been blessed with a few very, very good friends. I consider them a family that I have had a chance to create on my own. If I would lose all that I possess, I would still be a very rich person. All of my friends have keys to my apartment - and I have theirs. Numerous times they jumped in when I was in trouble - financial or other; 3 in the morning, no questions asked. And I have done the same for them. I think of them as the most valuable assets in my life. We have all went through rough situations in life when we literally did not have anything to eat, nor dishes to eat from. I'll tell you just one story:

I lost my job and I was late with payments for bills and my apartment. So I decided to take a job in a different state for a few months, a state that I didn't know the language (Germany) - but it was my only way out at the time. So I barely raised money for a bus ticket. I did not have one single penny in my pocket. But that did not stop me. And there I was, all alone at the bus station, waiting for the bus to show up and at one moment I saw my best friend coming towards me. She had a very tough surgery on her back just 2 weeks earlier and she was wearing a cast from her neck to the waist. I could not believe my eyes! I was very angry at her but happy at the same time to have her by my side at that moment. So I started to shout at her: Damn girl, you should be in bed, for god sake you have a cast on and the doctors strictly told you not to move until it is removed. She just smiled, hugged me and gave me an envelope. She said that she could not let me go without any money. But I knew that she didn't have any money either - she basically gave me everything she had. But returning the money was out of the question - she didn't want to hear about it. She just said: You are going to a place where you don t know anybody. I have people around me to help me. You need that more than me. 12 years have gone by since then. We are still very close friends.

I could tell you dozens of stories about my friends. But all that it comes to is sharing a life with those around you, through the good, and the bad. If I had the whole world and no friends to share it with I would still have nothing.

So I ask you: What will your friends do for you? How far will they go? And more important, how far would you go for them?